Thursday, May 1, 2003 - 3:45pm
Tori here. The long, sweet good night has ended. At 3:19pm, Vivian Leigh Lemke crossed over. I have visions of her running and playing, of her laughing and talking. Her sisters know that only very special people can become guardian angels, and Vivian is one of the most special guardian angels of all. This was by far the most difficult thing in my life, and hopefully in my entire lifetime. I am okay, and Tyler is okay. Vivian is happy and free of any tubes or machines. Her strong spirit will be an inspiration to everyone, and it took her boldly to the very end. She was amazing. It was calm, beautiful and peaceful, just like her. I couldn't be more proud of her, and I feel so privileged that she chose us to be her parents. We are so lucky. I will write again another time.
Friday, May 2, 2003 - 1:30 pm
Tyler here. I am so content and happy with Vivian's passing and how it took place. Please do not think I wanted Vivian to pass away. Please do not misinterpret my words. However, Vivian's passing was wonderful, beautiful, peaceful and special. She passed away as she was born - quietly, peacefully, gently, with us. Together, the three of us in one bed, holding each other. We talked to Vivian and stroked Vivian, cherishing her. We were all together for hours as her breaths slowed down, took her last breath, and her heart finally rested.
Thank you to Children's Hospital for letting us have Vivian's passing as beautiful as we would have wanted it at home.
Thank you to our dear sweet friend Paula for her wisdom and thoughts on helping us with the closing process of death. Because of her, we bathed Vivian with oil scented water. I never bathed Vivian before. Tori let me wash Vivian's hair too. We tenderly bathed her. Rubbed lotion on her body. Clothed her in clean pink socks, a fresh diaper, and cotton for her g-button. Tori styled Vivian's hair with a bow. Then we wrapped her in her own soft pink blanket. She looked so peaceful, so beautiful. This process help me and filled me with the type of memories I am happy to carry with me of Vivian for the rest of my life. We held her with her fresh clothes and bathed body to talk to her, sing to her and to say good bye to her. We saved a lock of Vivian's hair with the bow still around it. Plus we had a mold made of Vivian's left hand. Then we carried Vivian downstairs so she may head off to the funeral home. Paula is very wise when it comes to birth, life and death. She was our lay-midwife for Sarah and Danielle's home births (but not Vivian's).
A special thank you to our dear friend Becky. Becky was Tori and Vivian's doula. She was there for Vivian's birth, life and death. Thank you very much.
Sarah and Danielle are handing this very well. Today has been a busy day making arrangements. We still have much to do this weekend. Vivian's service is this upcoming Tuesday. Everyone is welcome and we understand it is difficult to attend during work hours. We will post the exact time later. Since Vivian will be cremated, we are choosing a charity for people to send donations to instead of bringing flowers.
Vivian lived her life on the internet. Many people from all around the world followed Vivian's life online. I will be setting up a special memorial site for her, www.vivianlemke.com. Plus, I will be making a special DVD to memorialize Vivian's life. We are happy to give one to anyone requesting one. Please give me some time to finish it though.
Thank you to so many different people for their kind words and gifts the past couple of days. I want to thank so many people, relatives, friends, doctors, nurses, and new friends by name, but I would leave out too many names by mistake that I might offend someone.
I will be taking down all of the Vivian journals soon. I need to rewrite them. After I remove all of the anger, unkind words and thoughts, all of the complaining, and poor judgement, I will move them to Vivian's memorial site. Not to mention fixing all of the grammar and spelling errors.
We will be posting a new Slideshow Video for the last part of Vivian's life soon. To help save bandwith, you might choose to right-click and download each video to your desktop.
Monday, May 5, 2003 - 1:00 pm
Tyler here. There was a nice article in the Omaha World Hearld yesterday (story link). We have been very busy the past couple of days. Thank you to everyone for their support and kind words.
Tori and I designed our memorial cards for Vivian's service. You may download a .pdf version by right-clicking or control-clicking this link and saving it to your desktop: Vivian Memorial Card.pdf (1.1 meg)
I have finished Slideshow Eight and Tori created Slideshow Nine. However, I have not uploaded them yet. Please check back later for them. I might wait until I put Vivian's Memorial site up.
A lot of people ask why we put up these journals. Here is an example e-mail we received from a mother. I have removed any reference to who she is or where she is located. We have received quite a few e-mails like this one.
Dear Tyler and Tori,
You are very brave and I really have appreciated reading your journal. I am now faced with the same condition in my 20 week unborn baby. I found out the day before Vivan died so I have just read all your site.
I have seven healthy children, and I am extremely worried how they will cope with this, as well as my husband working 150 miles from home all week. We do not have family to help. Thank you for writing so honestly how Sarah and Danielle have coped, the good and the bad, we need to know! Then we can be prepared.
I don't know what to think, all life is precious but I don't want my baby to suffer or my other kids. Like you I wonder what is the right choice? for everyone? This is so hard!
Thank you for having the courage to post your feelings for us all to read. It does help!
I really pray that somehow, when all the business of the funeral dies down that you will find the courage and strength to cope without your beautiful daughter, I have no idea of the pain you must be feeling.
Yours,
(name removed)
Tori and I really want to do something to help other people who will be going through what we have gone through. We are kicking around the idea of a charity or foundation we could start or be involved with. I think Tori should write a book and take up public speaking like my father does.
But all of that can wait. We are all doing fine. Almost too busy for things to sink in fully. Starting Wednesday, we can start to get our lives reorganized and let things sink in.
8:30pm update - In the OWH article, it said "...before recently developing the pulmonary hypertension that killed her, Tori Lemke said. " This is a slight misquote. I explained that pulmonary hypertension was ONE of the vectors Vivian was battling, and I did not say that it killed her, but rather was just one of many problems she had. I think it is hard for people to understand fully the extent of her problems. I wish we could attribute her passing to just one factor, but unfortunately, Vivian had multiple problems she was facing. The odds were against her. She valiantly fought them as long as she could. We are very proud of our angel.
Tyler here. We are receiving so many wonderful e-mails the past couple of days that there is no way we can reply to them individually. Thank you very, very much. Our website has served over 3 gigs in the past 5 days. Normally we server around 1 gig each month (which is still a lot.) If you are watching the videos, please use the right-click method to saved them to your desktop and give them plenty of time to download. I will try to get the two new videos up this weekend.
Tuesday is going to be a busy day and we look forward to meeting a lot of you.
I find myself feeling like something is out of place or feeling like I am forgetting to do something. I know it is because of my missing Vivian. It is almost as if it is not real yet.
Wednesday, May 7, 2003 - 7:20 am
Good morning. Tyler here. It is time to close this journal. Yesterday's memorial services for Vivian was just perfect. Thank you Anne Marie, Dave and Joan. And thanks to Heafey Heafey Hoffman Dworak Cutler for letting us do things "our" way. Thank you Janousek Flowers. Thank you to everyone for coming and to those who couldn't make it who sent kind words. I know Vivian was there. She was running and playing and laughing and singing beside Sarah and Danielle. It truly was a celebration of her life.
It is hard to thank so many people because I will leave someone out. But in no particular order, we truly wish to thank Dr. Edward Bove, Dr. Scott Fletcher, Dr. Carl Gumbiner, Dr. Laura Nielsen, Dr. Nancy Ghanayem, Dr. Jayesh Thakker, Dr. Luke Noronha, Dr. Mark Wilson, Dr. Stuart Berger, Dr. James Tweddell, Dr. Mohan Mysore, Dr. Rob Gajarski, Nurse Kris, Nurse Cindy, Nurse Joan, and many, many more doctors, nurses, and support staff too numerous to list. Vivian lived a short life. But all of you helped Vivian come home for five months. Five months where we lived as a family. Five months for our daughters to get to know each other. Five months that were lived and will be remembered as a lifetime. Thank you so very much.
I imagine that people in the medical field try not to get too attached emotionally to their patients. It is for their own protection and sanity. Please do not be saddened by Vivian's passing. We hope she taught you as much as she taught other people and taught us too. Vivian was with us as long as she was because of your caring and expertise and dedication. Thank you very much.
I will be very busy the next couple of weeks. I have neglected our house. I have much to do at work. I will be removing all of Vivian's journals from our site and recreating it on her own special memorial site. I am reworking all of her videos; sorry, but if you want them, you will have to re-download the new higher quality versions all over again.
Tori and I need to focus on getting our debt back under control. Someday we would like to buy a house and I think a Disney vacation is in order for the girls.
Several people yesterday requested one of Vivian's Memorial DVDs (after I get the jitter removed from them). I don't remember all of your names; please e-mail me requesting one and please tell me where to send it. This Vivian Memorial DVD is available to anyone who wants one. Our e-mail addresses are in the upper right of this page. Please give me some time to finish it.
Thusday, May 8, 2003 - 8:30pm
Tori here. Well, here we sit, feeling like asses. We of course, did not mention thanks to people who matter most to us; our family and friends. We could not have managed the past year without all of your help. Thanks to Tyler's father, Raymond, who tirelessly drove the girls here and there - school, piano, and many other activities, Tyler's mother, Gwen, for babysitting, meals, dance class, and miscellaneous things, my parents, Karen & Lonnie, for keeping the girls on occasion, among other things. Aunts and Uncles, Todd & Sandy, Brad & Karen, RL & Amy, Tina & Mike, Tami & Dave, and all the girls' cousins. Friends, Paula, Becky, Monica & Jim, friends from the girls' school - The Sullivan's, The Dunlop's, The DeBuse's, The Wild's, The Minnick's, The Hind's and especially Miss Mary and all the teachers, plus all the many other families who have helped in one way or another. All our neighbors - Robin & Mark, Gina & Scott, Laurie & John, The Dailey's and anyone else we are unintentionally forgetting.
Tyler here. Sometimes the closest things are the easiest to see past. We never could have been with Vivian as much as we were if it wasn't for the help of our family. My brother and boss, Todd, let me leave work whenever I needed to; let me go to Ann Arbor for three months; let me arrive late to work after taking the girls to school. My father Ray spent hundreds of hours driving Sarah and Danielle around, picking them up from school, taking them to the park, taking them to activities. He took Tori and Vivian to doctor check-ups. He paid our credit card bills. My mother Gwen helped me while Tori was out-of-town. She took the girls to dance class and came to our house numerous times at odd hours and at a moment's notice to help watch the girls. Plus they helped pay for many different things. My brother Brad helped us out financially, and my brother RL drove all night to see Vivian the night before she passed away. Todd also paid for the post-memorial service at Wheatfields.
We were hoping that Ann Marie would have mentioned our thanks to the grandparents during the service and how Vivian was named after my father's mother. We are truly thankful to our families for all of their help. What they did for us is un-repayable, and unforgettable. How lucky we are.
